Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
