I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
