I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
