I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
