I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
