First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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