i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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