you guys were way drunker than both of me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
