Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
