ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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