i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
