so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
