I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
