U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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