I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just want to make out with him forever
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
