Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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