the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
