Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
