I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
