Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
