Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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