I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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