hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
