Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
