There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
