Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
