Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
