ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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