My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
