i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
