Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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