The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
