I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
