he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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