all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
