Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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