Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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