The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
