So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Can I color on your dick again?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
