if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
