Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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