I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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