you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
