I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
