A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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