Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
