Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
