He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
