i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
