I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
They took my balls.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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