Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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